I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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