I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
