i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
