she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
