So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
