saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
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