I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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