she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Randomize
