i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
