so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Randomize
