Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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