she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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