Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Randomize
