"it" just moved
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
