so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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