lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
