Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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