He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
