I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
