i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
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