I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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