how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
We need to get me chipped asap
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
