it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
