not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize
