Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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