dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
