would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
