I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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