i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
