escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
