that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
