just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
