why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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