i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
