that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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