I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
i think i just lost a toe
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
