I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
