Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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