My brain says no but my pants say off.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
