i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
