I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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