We're facebook friends in real life
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
