You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
