I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
