Got a toothbrush?
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
