Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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