Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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