he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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