i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
