Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
My vagina is officially offended.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
