I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
