Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Randomize
